THE FACADE....

When a woman meets a guy she really likes, she seeks for comfort and a sense of security that her feelings will be protected and appreciated by the guy.

In order to have a truly fulfilling relationship (or even start a healthy relationship) with a great guy, you need to come from a place of strength, confidence, and fulfillment.

The problem nowadays, is that a lot of men lie.

 

Men lie-they lie almost all the time. Its almost as if its in their DNA.

Whenever a relationship goes bad (or fails to launch), it’s almost always caused by some tiny fear, doubt, worry or insecurity that grows and festers until you feel overwhelmed by the whole ordeal.

And what happens?  Your fears and worries compel you to confirm whether they’re real or imaginary.  You stop enjoying the relationship for what it is and start craving validation and confirmation that it’s “the real deal

Men and women have fears. Those fears are greater now more than ever with a mountain of insecurities.

The major fear of which is, being lied to; to  be deceived.

But Why do men lie?

Well apparently:

• They don’t want to hurt your feelings.  Especially if  you’ve shown yourself to be a girl who gets upset and dramatic when he tells you the truth, you’re essentially training him to say what you want to hear to keep the peace.  At worst, it’s a straight up lie to avoid drama and waterworks.Weak?  Cowardly? But whats beneficial about being honest if it simply leads to a more difficult life.
• They don’t want the drama.  Like I was saying, if not telling the truth is harmless enough and being honest will just cause drama, heartache and grief for both parties, why would a man want to do it?  I’m not advocating the behavior and I hold honesty as a high virtue for myself, but part of looking at this requires us to be honest about human nature:  Humans (men and women) want to make life easier for ourselves, not harder.
• No perceived upside.  If you want the truth and honesty, find a way to reward that behavior, not punish it by putting him through hell.
• They want to impress you or they don’t feel like “enough” without lying or putting up a front.  From one angle, you could almost look at this one as a compliment: the guy is trying to impress you because he doesn’t feel “good enough” to get you on his own.  It’s not a compliment though – it’s not only insecure behavior, but it also doesn’t allow for a real foundation to be built for a relationship.  For a guy to be honest with you, he has to be secure enough in himself to know that you’ll still want him if he’s “real” with you.

But then half the time there absolutely no reason to lie

 Now it has become a trend, to lie.

In fact,the more you lie to your partner,and your partner gets to find out about all these lies every now n then,the more insecurities you breed in your relationship.

She may overlook them at the beginning,forgive you for it and move on,but the more you keep putting up a front,the more you hurt her and YOURSELF because eventualy you will be trying to cover a lie with another lie.

Eventually you both stop enjoying the relationship and ultimately break up.

Honesty is a really attractive trait-contrary to popular belief that women like to be lied to.

A woman may know you are lying,but may let it slide because she doesn’t want to believe you’d do that to her.

But to lie and lie again is just taking her for a fool.

We get that people lie. Women lie too.

But too many lies is the downfall of what would have been a good relationship.

Stimes there absolutely no reason to lie-if you wanna go hang out with your mates,just say so-don’t start making up stories about working late. There is nothing wrong with hanging out with your mates as long as you make time for each other and that your life does not revolve around your mates-you need to understand that you have a commitment to your relationship.

If a relationship is too much drama-be a monk.

 Save us the misery of having to keep tabs on you all the time because you lie about your whereabouts. Even if where you are is an ok place, it breeds insecurity, and the next time you actually say the truth, it will still be taken as a lie, since you lie perpetually.

Because of all the lying that’s going on in today’s relationships, it seems necessary to have back-ups.

You cant really trust the person you are with. They tell you one thing and do another-you don’t know where things are gonna lead down the line.

And you get to find that the relationship isn’t even properly defined-what are you,dating? Just fucking? In an open relationship?”whatever that means-and if you are one of those that are quick to show the world,you rush to “facebook” and update your relationship status from “in a relationship” to “its complicated” and eventually you find that even “facebook” doesn’t have a relationship status for whatever it is you are even having.

Facebook is also another media that can either break or mend a relationship.

I chose long ago not to put up my relationship status on facebook-I don’t need to validate my  relationship status to the world. Maybe its because none of my relationships have been “fruitful” but I feel its not a must for me to do.

I don’t think its advisable to even have a guy you like as a facebook friend-he will just be analyzing what you write,what people post on your wall and then the “insecurity” issues show their ugly heads.

Right now I have a request from some guy-who I think is ok-kinda like him. Says he likes me too but I’d rather not accept the friendship request.

I hate being under scrutiny about every little thing.

There’s just no mystery, no fun in it. People need to do more to make a relationship work.

Technology has made most guys lazy-I hate lazy. Texting instead of calling three quarters of the time. Am not against texting-but perpetual texting.

I wont make it easy for you by being my “fb” friend and you sit there among the hoard of other “observers” trying to figure me out by what I write when you can figure me out by taking me out, seeing what makes me tick ,feeling my skin and hearing me laugh,touching my lips,seeing me messed up and seeing me cleaned up...Because I need you to know ME to my core.

So people have options...because of all the lies, a back-up becomes necessary.

If this doesn’t work out-then you know you can always bounce back to someone else.

Pretty common in guys I’ve found. There may be a girl in every town he has visited just waiting stupidly for when he comes on some funny weekend. And when he makes up his mind, he will dump one or two,keep one for marriage, keep another as a “friend” for the occasional hump.

Human beings are dynamic and I’ve found you cant say that you really know somebody.

Things always somehow turn up that you didn’t know about them-good or bad.

That’s why lately I don’t get as shocked as I used to when I hear “so and so” did this or that-I just go like “oh…ok” and move on with my life.

I don’t know the circumstances under which “so and so” had found themselves in and why they did what they did, but if it directly affects me and I feel betrayed about what they did-I will most definitely react.

Because nobody wants to be taken for a fool-certainly not me?

Reactions are in various forms, depending on the gravity of the situation

Stimes you just have to put people in their place and tell them you were not happy with the decisions they made and how those decisions have hurt you. People need to respect that they cant just walk all over you and take you for granted.

As humans are dynamic so are relationships.

Upbringings are different and therefore so are relationships.

Therefore don’t compare your relationship with others-its basically all about the two of you when it comes down to it.

Comparing things leaves most people unsatisfied

Of course that doesn’t mean that one doesn’t need to have standards and values of what it is they find important for a relationship to grow.

When people meet for the first time, they lie about almost 70% about themselves. Men especially almost always don’t want to miss an opportunity.

He will lie about his relationship status or give a vague-“its complicated”,meanwhile things are going well for him.

Theres always that need in most men to hope for something better-another challenge.

Women equally want to believe they stand  a chance with the lad, especially if they like him. Thinking to themselves that maybe they are better than the other girl-so they lie to themselves too.

Not accepting the truth of the matter. That a triangle isn’t what they need-that they deserve better, only they fear  “the better” is never there.

For a while they may live under the delusion that the guy actually likes them for who they are ,meanwhile he’s just out for fun-he DID say he was seeing someone after all so why are you complaining when he doesn’t pitch or doesn’t call or goes out for the weekend. Torturing yourself  imagining him penetrating another woman angry with yourself because its YOU he should be dipping it in? You forget he told you he was in “something” but you didn’t listen.

When a guy is in “something”..i almost always back off because I know the guy is just trying his luck or having a little fun-and am not a woman to have “a little fun” with. I have substance so no thank you.

Women need to know that they are strong individuals who do not need to base their happiness solely on a man and what a man thinks of them, and men need to know that they don’t need to lie to women in order to “keep” them. Its not necessary, it just brings pain.

Honesty is rare in us nowadays, its like a breath of fresh air when you find it.

Trust must be earned. Not demanded.

Same goes for respect.

If you lie and fool around , definitely there will be trust issues, and if you goof around definitely there will be no respect. And everything will just be sour. There will be ugly arguments,enough tears and tension.

Sour sucks-its better you do away with it than pray for a miracle-it wont happen.

A couple of guys I’ve been with have lied-its like a way of life now. These days I have even become “immune” ,its like that’s what you expect. But should we really live our lives like that? Being with someone and yet EXPECTING them to lie? Its such a shame that we have reduced ourselves to such a state.

The lies have lost who WE are as a people-its all a façade……