YOU WIN SOME,YOU LOSE SOME?....

Wow,its been a little while since I been here.

I gues life got in the way and I got a little distracted with events happening in my life.

Too much work at the office,getting home and feeling too tired to sit and write,thinking about my future. Where will I be in five,ten years? What will I have achieved,will I be married then,will I be a mom,or I’ll still be single.

I remember mentioning how I had recently met and liked someone who had asked to be my fried on facebook.

Well,I still have not accepted his request (lets call him Brownie), with good reason,and I think just as well.

Being friends with someone you like romantically on face book can be a torturous even irritating ordeal, you are at a stage where you want to get to know more about that person so you want to see what latest thing they’ve put on their wall,are they talking about you,who are their friends, which person’s status are they always commenting on? is it a guy or a girl and you further go down to THAT person to check THEM out; whats the relationship? Are they just friends or should you be threatened by them? Are they family? What do they do? Do they have powerful jobs? Are they well established, how far have they gone with their education, what pics are there showing the person you like with them? what are they doing in those pics? Hugging,kissing,scuba diving?

You literally become an investigator without meaning to. Because facebook raises a lot of questions when it comes to relationships and trust.

You may just lay out your heart to somebody who is just out to hurt you,or who may hurt you without wanting to.

I chose not to do that,not to see all that.

In as much as I like this person,and he likes me back. We both had a life before we met with other people,some people keep their ex  as friends on facebook,I don’t know how that works for them.

How does that work for someone you like,that they see you talking to ex on facebook?

Some have their current partner as their friend on facebook when they are starting something with YOU.

Some people say that if you meet someone who is involved with someone else and you get to like each other,the best thing to do is to walk away from it before you get in too deep.

Others say if they aren’t married then you can stick around because you just never know who your soulmate may turn out to be.

It could be that girl who has been going out with that guy for three years,you like each other but then she’s been going out with that guy for three years so what chance do you have? I mean you just met her 5months ago after all. Who has the bigger chunk? You or him? Should you stick around knowing she may never even pick you? Its possible for someone to love two people mind you and find it hard to decide who to pick finally.

Or maybe just let yourself go and just enjoy her company in spite of him hovering. Afterall,you will have loved,whether it works out or not,you still opened up your heart to what you felt. You were honest with yourself.

Finding your true love can be a mammoth task.

It leaves you emotionally spent. There are no rules,no guiding book ; even though you may boast about reading this book or that book. With love, books are nothing.

Each person that comes and goes in your life has their own way of loving.

People just don’t love the same,and you cant love the people that come in and out of your life the same way. The way you loved your ex is not the same way you love your current or the one that may come after because people are different, interests are different,ideas, exposure,all that plays a role.

Time also plays a major role. How old are you right now? Do you feel pressured to meet someone? it may not necessarily be pressure from your environment i.e friends,family,workmates,but it can be pressure from YOURSELF as  an individual, you get to a point where you need someone for you to have something rich  with that you can enjoy and get fulfillment from, something that makes you look forward to each day, something  and someone that inspires you  to better yourself everyday, making it all worth it. It could be your child,your parent,a sibling,depending.

A couple of my friends tend to mention what a great mom I’d make every now and then in our conversations. I am what you’d say one of each,I can be this crazy person with crazy humor,I love to have fun,I love to interact and I am also grounded  much to some people’s surprise.

I hadn’t really thought much about being a mom,mostly its been about my career and what I want to achieve,how am I going to express myself to the world,how can I tell them am here and I can do this.

For a woman-or maybe let me speak for myself,there comes  a time when that maternal instinct kicks in and you feel you wanna be a mom. I’ve felt like that a couple of times here n there but it would come and go and I’d brush it off as merely being hormonal. But I say this because I’m probably not the only woman that feels this way; when you meet a man you really like or maybe have fallen in love with? You just want to have a mini of them,a little being that brings the best of you together. 

And just like that you get that motivation to actually WANT to get pregnant.  Even when you may not be ready. Its like a cajoling or warm feeling to want to.

You cant feel like that with just any man,it has to be someone you really really like or love.

I recently thought that I may have gotten pregnant.

Turns out I wasn’t.

It was a case of mixed feelings? 

Because on one hand you want that to happen but on the other hand you know that its no joke to have a little person to look after for the rest of your life. A lot will change,it will be about them now,you think about them first and foremost in everything. You may not go where you wanted to go,buy that which you’ve always wanted to buy,you wont be free to just up and leave for vacations or day outs,you may have to slow down on your career. And what about your partner? Do they even want it?

And the complications of at what stage your relationship with them is at. They equally have goals they need to achieve in their life,they need stability,they need security.

So I thought to myself,it hasn’t happened now,maybe God just has a plan for when it WILL happen.

90 percent of the time we think we know best when God knows so much better of what we can and cannot handle at certain points in our lives.

How do you know they are the one? I mean it starts off like they are the one and down the road you just get to skid and halt and find that you were on the wrong road all along. Even when you had been with them for so long, it doesn’t mean they are the one for you.

But I gues with life you cant always know,you plan one thing and something contrary happens.

I think I’ve come to appreciate that having time alone to speak to yourself,listen to yourself,meditate and pray,feel God’s warm embrace helps you to forgive yourself  not to be too hard on yourself when you fail, to soldier on and pick yourself up when you try and don’t succeed the first time.

Brownie is an interesting individual, he has his “issues” like the previous ones, but I feel he is more grounded in spite of it all.

I gues as a woman when you get older and single,you realy cant expect to find a man that doesn’t have some sorta issue. I gues you need to accept that life happened to them too,same way it happened to you and there is probably someone hovering in their life by the time they actually get to meet you.

I have no idea why I tend to bump into the ones with issues all the time,I mean do I look like Oprah? I can just swoop in and fix everything? I need my own and so this time around I wont put in so much effort with this.

I will be an old fashioned woman and let him do the donkey work,the previous ones didn’t do much so I’ll let him work.

I will not lose who I am because I have met somebody I like , instead I will learn from them,as I always do and see what difference they are making in my life,if they are relevant or irrelevant.

Brownie is cool and calm,I like the fact that he’s assertive. But like most guys,he is still stumbling around with what he really wants,so I wont sit around and wait for him to make a decision. 

 

I will not make it my preoccupation wondering on where I stand with him because it will just leave me feeling spent. I will continue to embrace myself even when he is around ,I will show my love because I love to give-that’s who I am,but I will be fair to myself and let my spirit soar.

That doesn’t mean it will be easy to do. Times will come when I may get angry with hanging on to brownie, already I have been angry with myself every now and then for letting myself in such a situation But I accept that I’m human and I am allowed  to have those feelings ,as long as they do not consume me to a point where I cant even bear being who I am altogether. 

If we are meant to be-then it will be God’s will.

THE FACADE....

When a woman meets a guy she really likes, she seeks for comfort and a sense of security that her feelings will be protected and appreciated by the guy.

In order to have a truly fulfilling relationship (or even start a healthy relationship) with a great guy, you need to come from a place of strength, confidence, and fulfillment.

The problem nowadays, is that a lot of men lie.

 

Men lie-they lie almost all the time. Its almost as if its in their DNA.

Whenever a relationship goes bad (or fails to launch), it’s almost always caused by some tiny fear, doubt, worry or insecurity that grows and festers until you feel overwhelmed by the whole ordeal.

And what happens?  Your fears and worries compel you to confirm whether they’re real or imaginary.  You stop enjoying the relationship for what it is and start craving validation and confirmation that it’s “the real deal

Men and women have fears. Those fears are greater now more than ever with a mountain of insecurities.

The major fear of which is, being lied to; to  be deceived.

But Why do men lie?

Well apparently:

• They don’t want to hurt your feelings.  Especially if  you’ve shown yourself to be a girl who gets upset and dramatic when he tells you the truth, you’re essentially training him to say what you want to hear to keep the peace.  At worst, it’s a straight up lie to avoid drama and waterworks.Weak?  Cowardly? But whats beneficial about being honest if it simply leads to a more difficult life.
• They don’t want the drama.  Like I was saying, if not telling the truth is harmless enough and being honest will just cause drama, heartache and grief for both parties, why would a man want to do it?  I’m not advocating the behavior and I hold honesty as a high virtue for myself, but part of looking at this requires us to be honest about human nature:  Humans (men and women) want to make life easier for ourselves, not harder.
• No perceived upside.  If you want the truth and honesty, find a way to reward that behavior, not punish it by putting him through hell.
• They want to impress you or they don’t feel like “enough” without lying or putting up a front.  From one angle, you could almost look at this one as a compliment: the guy is trying to impress you because he doesn’t feel “good enough” to get you on his own.  It’s not a compliment though – it’s not only insecure behavior, but it also doesn’t allow for a real foundation to be built for a relationship.  For a guy to be honest with you, he has to be secure enough in himself to know that you’ll still want him if he’s “real” with you.

But then half the time there absolutely no reason to lie

 Now it has become a trend, to lie.

In fact,the more you lie to your partner,and your partner gets to find out about all these lies every now n then,the more insecurities you breed in your relationship.

She may overlook them at the beginning,forgive you for it and move on,but the more you keep putting up a front,the more you hurt her and YOURSELF because eventualy you will be trying to cover a lie with another lie.

Eventually you both stop enjoying the relationship and ultimately break up.

Honesty is a really attractive trait-contrary to popular belief that women like to be lied to.

A woman may know you are lying,but may let it slide because she doesn’t want to believe you’d do that to her.

But to lie and lie again is just taking her for a fool.

We get that people lie. Women lie too.

But too many lies is the downfall of what would have been a good relationship.

Stimes there absolutely no reason to lie-if you wanna go hang out with your mates,just say so-don’t start making up stories about working late. There is nothing wrong with hanging out with your mates as long as you make time for each other and that your life does not revolve around your mates-you need to understand that you have a commitment to your relationship.

If a relationship is too much drama-be a monk.

 Save us the misery of having to keep tabs on you all the time because you lie about your whereabouts. Even if where you are is an ok place, it breeds insecurity, and the next time you actually say the truth, it will still be taken as a lie, since you lie perpetually.

Because of all the lying that’s going on in today’s relationships, it seems necessary to have back-ups.

You cant really trust the person you are with. They tell you one thing and do another-you don’t know where things are gonna lead down the line.

And you get to find that the relationship isn’t even properly defined-what are you,dating? Just fucking? In an open relationship?”whatever that means-and if you are one of those that are quick to show the world,you rush to “facebook” and update your relationship status from “in a relationship” to “its complicated” and eventually you find that even “facebook” doesn’t have a relationship status for whatever it is you are even having.

Facebook is also another media that can either break or mend a relationship.

I chose long ago not to put up my relationship status on facebook-I don’t need to validate my  relationship status to the world. Maybe its because none of my relationships have been “fruitful” but I feel its not a must for me to do.

I don’t think its advisable to even have a guy you like as a facebook friend-he will just be analyzing what you write,what people post on your wall and then the “insecurity” issues show their ugly heads.

Right now I have a request from some guy-who I think is ok-kinda like him. Says he likes me too but I’d rather not accept the friendship request.

I hate being under scrutiny about every little thing.

There’s just no mystery, no fun in it. People need to do more to make a relationship work.

Technology has made most guys lazy-I hate lazy. Texting instead of calling three quarters of the time. Am not against texting-but perpetual texting.

I wont make it easy for you by being my “fb” friend and you sit there among the hoard of other “observers” trying to figure me out by what I write when you can figure me out by taking me out, seeing what makes me tick ,feeling my skin and hearing me laugh,touching my lips,seeing me messed up and seeing me cleaned up...Because I need you to know ME to my core.

So people have options...because of all the lies, a back-up becomes necessary.

If this doesn’t work out-then you know you can always bounce back to someone else.

Pretty common in guys I’ve found. There may be a girl in every town he has visited just waiting stupidly for when he comes on some funny weekend. And when he makes up his mind, he will dump one or two,keep one for marriage, keep another as a “friend” for the occasional hump.

Human beings are dynamic and I’ve found you cant say that you really know somebody.

Things always somehow turn up that you didn’t know about them-good or bad.

That’s why lately I don’t get as shocked as I used to when I hear “so and so” did this or that-I just go like “oh…ok” and move on with my life.

I don’t know the circumstances under which “so and so” had found themselves in and why they did what they did, but if it directly affects me and I feel betrayed about what they did-I will most definitely react.

Because nobody wants to be taken for a fool-certainly not me?

Reactions are in various forms, depending on the gravity of the situation

Stimes you just have to put people in their place and tell them you were not happy with the decisions they made and how those decisions have hurt you. People need to respect that they cant just walk all over you and take you for granted.

As humans are dynamic so are relationships.

Upbringings are different and therefore so are relationships.

Therefore don’t compare your relationship with others-its basically all about the two of you when it comes down to it.

Comparing things leaves most people unsatisfied

Of course that doesn’t mean that one doesn’t need to have standards and values of what it is they find important for a relationship to grow.

When people meet for the first time, they lie about almost 70% about themselves. Men especially almost always don’t want to miss an opportunity.

He will lie about his relationship status or give a vague-“its complicated”,meanwhile things are going well for him.

Theres always that need in most men to hope for something better-another challenge.

Women equally want to believe they stand  a chance with the lad, especially if they like him. Thinking to themselves that maybe they are better than the other girl-so they lie to themselves too.

Not accepting the truth of the matter. That a triangle isn’t what they need-that they deserve better, only they fear  “the better” is never there.

For a while they may live under the delusion that the guy actually likes them for who they are ,meanwhile he’s just out for fun-he DID say he was seeing someone after all so why are you complaining when he doesn’t pitch or doesn’t call or goes out for the weekend. Torturing yourself  imagining him penetrating another woman angry with yourself because its YOU he should be dipping it in? You forget he told you he was in “something” but you didn’t listen.

When a guy is in “something”..i almost always back off because I know the guy is just trying his luck or having a little fun-and am not a woman to have “a little fun” with. I have substance so no thank you.

Women need to know that they are strong individuals who do not need to base their happiness solely on a man and what a man thinks of them, and men need to know that they don’t need to lie to women in order to “keep” them. Its not necessary, it just brings pain.

Honesty is rare in us nowadays, its like a breath of fresh air when you find it.

Trust must be earned. Not demanded.

Same goes for respect.

If you lie and fool around , definitely there will be trust issues, and if you goof around definitely there will be no respect. And everything will just be sour. There will be ugly arguments,enough tears and tension.

Sour sucks-its better you do away with it than pray for a miracle-it wont happen.

A couple of guys I’ve been with have lied-its like a way of life now. These days I have even become “immune” ,its like that’s what you expect. But should we really live our lives like that? Being with someone and yet EXPECTING them to lie? Its such a shame that we have reduced ourselves to such a state.

The lies have lost who WE are as a people-its all a façade……

Age Aint Nothn But a Number?.....

Was just listening to Aaliyah’s “age aint nothn but a number”,I loved Aaliyah,still do.

 Her music is part of the reason I grew up to be a self-confident woman. You should check out some of her music. "Age aint nothn but a number" remains one of my favorites to this day,as well as "Four Page Letter" "Rock the Boat" and "More than a woman"

I liked that at such a young age she was able to achieve so much. Sad she died.

That “achievement” included marrying a man 12 years her senior-When she was only 15.

I wonder whether she really thought she had found love or was just carried away by the teenage thrill.

Most of my friends seem to think dating an older man is more convenient. They feel he is safe and secure and is already grounded unlike a younger man.

In fact, for some of them, dating somebody the same age or two or three years older isn’t enough, they need someone much much older starting from 5years and above.

My Mom is 8years younger than my Dad-I don’t know whether she was looking at that issue as well,but eish,he behaved like a 20 or 18 year old at times. Goofing around, drinking etc.

But you know how it goes-she shipikishad. (For our sake) They are still together. They bicker but that’s how they love each other I gues. We just look on.

Lately though, we see quite a number of ladies dating younger men. I gues they find them not too uptight as the older ones.

In spite of the social norm accepted for a lady to date an older man, we find that gradually,the younger guys are going for the older woman,but then even though the older woman may date a young man she will rarely marry him. He’s ok to have fun with for a while until an older man comes along. Whether the younger man is better or not,the older guy will win because it is socially acceptable.

People will always talk,whisper in corners about a ”Mrs Banda” or a “Mrs so and so” who is 10years older than her husband. What was she thinking? Desperate woman

Sooner or later the whispering get to Mrs Banda and her insecurity will kick in,she starts to feel old and unattractive-even when she’s hotter than an 18year old! It just zaps her out.

Of course as a woman when you strike a certain age, things just turn upside down.

At 18 you are all about attitude and you have this “whole life ahead” of you,you still make huge announcements about your coming birthday.

At 21 you feel like you are SO mature,that you have everything set and you can conquer your challenges. You make a “Life Plan”.

By 25,after a couple of heartbreaks or being jobless you realize that your “Life Plan” isn’t panning out and you only have 5more years before you are 30.

You tell yourself oh well,at least you not even there yet,so no need to fret. But you stop announcing your birthday,or if you do,its not such a big deal anymore.

28-you have 2 more years before you clock 3 generations-your eggs are getting older and there is still no sign of “Mr Right”,just the “mr right-nows” wasting your time. Actually you could have dumped them but then you still wanted to believe they were the one.

By 30 you are clueless and wonder whether you stand a chance at all.

Each guy you meet has baggage. Kids, divorced, married, widower, sick, pot bellied, boring and fat, is impotent, is in a “complicated” thingy  or something and so you resign yourself to a miserable life ahead without any guy and being unhappy for the rest of your life. That is-if you let yourself go.

And then as you live your simple life,this young hombre appears in your life claiming he’s interested. You wonder whether this is some sort of prank. D’heck does HE want? Doesn’t he have video games or movies to watch or something to download somewhere?

You tell your friends about it and you laugh about it over a couple o drinks-the whole lot of you-a group of late 20s or 30 singles that haven’t gotten laid in months.

You convince yourselves that the younger guy is just a waste of time. Its such a process!

One of your friends who is more liberal and has gone out with a younger guy asks who this young Hombre is,and you tell em about him.

“Does he have a job?”

“yeah he does”

“Whom does he stay with?” she pushes on

“He rents a crib by himself”

“And is he mature?”

“what do you mean?”

“I mean,is he the kind of guy that offers to pay the bill,open doors,call instead of texting?”

“…erm..ye..ah?”

“I think you should give him a chance”

“What? No way!” You stand up spilling your drink. “I mean c’mon,he’s just a kid”!

“is his dick a kid?” one of your friends smirk

“how the hell am I supposed to know that! Why would I go about exploring a kid’s dick?!”

“how can a “kid” be able to work and rent a crib” she continues unwavering

“Omg! Go check his freakin dick yourself!”

Your other friends shoosh you guys and you sit down quizzed out.

“ok,if it’s the guy you were talking about,I know him. He’s actually pretty cool. Its ok,if he likes you,have a lil fun-you need some after all waishiba,I mean he may just turn out to be better than your Ex,besides its not like you gonna marry him right?

You ogle at them. “marry him” seriously…you think to yourself

Before you open your mouth another quips in “yeah and am sure ali kwata ikulu”

Oh lord. Is this all about sex?

“imwe guys,its not all about sex! There’s more-I don’t wanna be a “baby sitter?’ His dick may not be such a baby but his brain may be? “

They laugh at that.

The liberal one opens up again “just give it a shot,not all guys are bad. Young or older,it just depends on the maturity.”

With a couple more drinks somehow the subject dissipates and you revert to talking about how miserable you all are. Those new shoes you bought at Walliz are burning you through, your friend’s daughter-she’s a single mom-will be starting grade two and she’s up to here looking for school fees while the idiot of her father is getting married to someone else. Your other friend’s boyfriend didn’t call and she shares the text messages she was exchanging with him and together you try and decipher what they mean and ultimately conclude that he’s a jerk like the rest of them. But you know that they are still gonna be together and that even if she complains each time you guys meet,at least SHE’s getting some and you aint. Ting!

Basically I’ve experienced a situation where a younger man was interested in me.

I embrace the fact that I age gracefully. I’d easily pass of as a grade 10 pupil when am in my natural hair and wearing a uniform or a lil dress! I mean,school boys have made passes at me before! Lol. Sometimes I wouldn’t know whether to laugh or cry when they did.

And so another scenario presented itself. Tall,dark and kind-am a sucker for kindness.

When a guy is kind I just melt.

At first when he made his intentions known I thought he was joking so I brushed im off n didn’t take him seriously. Surprisingly enough he persisted.

We’ve been friends but I had never given him a thought to be more than just a friend.

A couple of my friends thought he was nice and cajoled me to give it a try-in spite of my misgivings.

So I was like what d’hell and did my “you-only live once” mantra and let loose.

At first it was a lil awkward, I kept thinking about how young he was and what the hell was I doing?

Kissing was another story-he needed a lot of lessons. I don’t know whether he was trying to kiss me or trying to snip me lol.

Long story short,I didn’t really enjoy that date. Partly because I wasn’t really myself and HE was a lil nervous.

I decided to call it quits before things escalated, before the baby got “attached”,I told him I wasn’t ok with the age issue,and I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship-that he knew about all too well-so no thanks. He mentioned he didn’t mind about the age-I still thought he was just sayin that-thinkin to myself-he may not mind now but he WILL mind later.

We continued to hang out as friends even though he was still interested.

Sometimes when he thought he had a chance ,he’d flirt or try to steal a  kiss from me-I still found it awkward. But gradually what really drew me to him was the fact that he was kind towards people.

I almost thought that perhaps I may just lose my insecurities and date him and see where it leads.

We went out-to a club. There were other people. Seeing him dance with the ladies younger than me made me feel old.

I watched im bob around with her, and deaf to the music I thought to myself,eventually as I get older,he may want to go out and I’d feel too old to come to a place like this. And just like that I zapped out.

This wasn’t gonna work.

Or could it?....i continued watching…well..he’s got the energy,and I mean who wants a boring guy who cant or wont want to have have fun?

I caressed my cider and flipped my hair-I may be older but am gorgeous, why else would he approach me? But then maybe he’s just into this older woman fantasy and just needs some “wisdom” from me. Nevertheless…couldnt let this night get wasted. I stood up and went over dancing sexily, shaking my booty,challenging the lil girl he was with-she accepted defeat and I continued to dance with the young lad,giving him my ass and winding,up n down. Givin him the dip,twerking this way n that. Lol the night was young!

It didn’t change the fact that I still didn’t take him seriously. I was just having fun.

When he was breastfeeding I was walking for cripes sake!

Yet he was still interested.

I wonder why. He said he thought I was hot and fun and focused and confident. To him it didn’t matter how old I was.

I was more hung up about my age than he was.

Gues that’s why we find it not so simple to date a younger guy

The age factor is kind of an embarrassment to most of  us ladies.

Dating a younger guy isn’t all that bad when you think critically about it,it all depends on who the guy is I gues,and especially if you are a confident woman,it attracts the guy even more.

He’s younger so you think he just wants to have sex-all guys just want sex-right? Well,no. Actually younger guys may not necessarily want to get married right away but they still want a relationship.

The age factor isn’t so much an issue to them I found,in fact it kinda makes them want to “man up”-not that am saying that they are “kids”..but well,you know what I mean.

The younger guy isn’t really hung up about his losses in life because he doesn’t have so many of those so he isn’t so guarded, he’s more optimistic about his attitude towards life.

 He has more energy….which obviously means great love times and more fun activities because he’s still out there. Not that an older man wouldn’t want to do such things-but he’d probably feel you should do those things with your girlfriends while he attends to other things. Its like older men are less likely to think outside the box than the younger men.

For some men,the more successful a woman is the more threatening she appears to be. Younger men don’t really get threatened by that,in fact they LIKE that you are independent and got it all “together”..which ultimately makes them want to work harder at pleasing you.

Maybe the disadvantages of dating a younger guy would be that there are still external judgments coming from family and friends. I mean he introduces you to his sister and you  find that you and his older sister are probably the same age,or you are of the same age as his aunt.

You may need-in fact WILL have to brace yourself for that awkwardness if you mean to date a younger guy.

He may not have matured enough in his twenties. When questions about marriage start popping up,and whether he wants kids becomes a lil confusing for him.

 He is still transitioning and you haven’t got the time to wait till he evolves!

Career direction is another challenge,he may not have figured out what he really wants and will be hopping from one idea to another,not being consistent. Making you feel like you are standing on top of a volcano waiting to erupt. His accounts are not so much in order,he is still thinking about  buying this or that and you wind up bailing him out in most cases,which makes you feel like you are his mother or his cougar.

But ultimately its really all about how connected you feel towards one another. In the words of Aaliyah-may her soul rest in peace-“Age aint nothn but a number”. I mean look at J.Lo,she's like so hot and she seems happy?

All relationships aren’t easy with or without the age gap issues.

....My young lad just called-asking how my day was.  He’s sweet like that.

In fact I should probably not even stereotype him by saying “my young lad”-don’t they say “mwa muna siya chepa” after all?(some Zambia saying) Meaning “a man is never young” a man is a man regardless.

Although I’m flattered by his interest and I enjoy the feeling of being wanted-every woman enjoys that-I’m skeptical about his sincerity am skeptical about any man’s sincerity after all my experiences.

 Not that I would want to have a relationship with him-right now I don’t feel that way about him. I don’t see us dating. And the age thing is just but one of the reasons. Nevertheless I’m glad I got a chance to meet him.

As always I have learned something about myself-yet again. 

A glass of wine would do before bedtime-JCLeroux. Cheers..