Age Aint Nothn But a Number?.....

Was just listening to Aaliyah’s “age aint nothn but a number”,I loved Aaliyah,still do.

 Her music is part of the reason I grew up to be a self-confident woman. You should check out some of her music. "Age aint nothn but a number" remains one of my favorites to this day,as well as "Four Page Letter" "Rock the Boat" and "More than a woman"

I liked that at such a young age she was able to achieve so much. Sad she died.

That “achievement” included marrying a man 12 years her senior-When she was only 15.

I wonder whether she really thought she had found love or was just carried away by the teenage thrill.

Most of my friends seem to think dating an older man is more convenient. They feel he is safe and secure and is already grounded unlike a younger man.

In fact, for some of them, dating somebody the same age or two or three years older isn’t enough, they need someone much much older starting from 5years and above.

My Mom is 8years younger than my Dad-I don’t know whether she was looking at that issue as well,but eish,he behaved like a 20 or 18 year old at times. Goofing around, drinking etc.

But you know how it goes-she shipikishad. (For our sake) They are still together. They bicker but that’s how they love each other I gues. We just look on.

Lately though, we see quite a number of ladies dating younger men. I gues they find them not too uptight as the older ones.

In spite of the social norm accepted for a lady to date an older man, we find that gradually,the younger guys are going for the older woman,but then even though the older woman may date a young man she will rarely marry him. He’s ok to have fun with for a while until an older man comes along. Whether the younger man is better or not,the older guy will win because it is socially acceptable.

People will always talk,whisper in corners about a ”Mrs Banda” or a “Mrs so and so” who is 10years older than her husband. What was she thinking? Desperate woman

Sooner or later the whispering get to Mrs Banda and her insecurity will kick in,she starts to feel old and unattractive-even when she’s hotter than an 18year old! It just zaps her out.

Of course as a woman when you strike a certain age, things just turn upside down.

At 18 you are all about attitude and you have this “whole life ahead” of you,you still make huge announcements about your coming birthday.

At 21 you feel like you are SO mature,that you have everything set and you can conquer your challenges. You make a “Life Plan”.

By 25,after a couple of heartbreaks or being jobless you realize that your “Life Plan” isn’t panning out and you only have 5more years before you are 30.

You tell yourself oh well,at least you not even there yet,so no need to fret. But you stop announcing your birthday,or if you do,its not such a big deal anymore.

28-you have 2 more years before you clock 3 generations-your eggs are getting older and there is still no sign of “Mr Right”,just the “mr right-nows” wasting your time. Actually you could have dumped them but then you still wanted to believe they were the one.

By 30 you are clueless and wonder whether you stand a chance at all.

Each guy you meet has baggage. Kids, divorced, married, widower, sick, pot bellied, boring and fat, is impotent, is in a “complicated” thingy  or something and so you resign yourself to a miserable life ahead without any guy and being unhappy for the rest of your life. That is-if you let yourself go.

And then as you live your simple life,this young hombre appears in your life claiming he’s interested. You wonder whether this is some sort of prank. D’heck does HE want? Doesn’t he have video games or movies to watch or something to download somewhere?

You tell your friends about it and you laugh about it over a couple o drinks-the whole lot of you-a group of late 20s or 30 singles that haven’t gotten laid in months.

You convince yourselves that the younger guy is just a waste of time. Its such a process!

One of your friends who is more liberal and has gone out with a younger guy asks who this young Hombre is,and you tell em about him.

“Does he have a job?”

“yeah he does”

“Whom does he stay with?” she pushes on

“He rents a crib by himself”

“And is he mature?”

“what do you mean?”

“I mean,is he the kind of guy that offers to pay the bill,open doors,call instead of texting?”

“…erm..ye..ah?”

“I think you should give him a chance”

“What? No way!” You stand up spilling your drink. “I mean c’mon,he’s just a kid”!

“is his dick a kid?” one of your friends smirk

“how the hell am I supposed to know that! Why would I go about exploring a kid’s dick?!”

“how can a “kid” be able to work and rent a crib” she continues unwavering

“Omg! Go check his freakin dick yourself!”

Your other friends shoosh you guys and you sit down quizzed out.

“ok,if it’s the guy you were talking about,I know him. He’s actually pretty cool. Its ok,if he likes you,have a lil fun-you need some after all waishiba,I mean he may just turn out to be better than your Ex,besides its not like you gonna marry him right?

You ogle at them. “marry him” seriously…you think to yourself

Before you open your mouth another quips in “yeah and am sure ali kwata ikulu”

Oh lord. Is this all about sex?

“imwe guys,its not all about sex! There’s more-I don’t wanna be a “baby sitter?’ His dick may not be such a baby but his brain may be? “

They laugh at that.

The liberal one opens up again “just give it a shot,not all guys are bad. Young or older,it just depends on the maturity.”

With a couple more drinks somehow the subject dissipates and you revert to talking about how miserable you all are. Those new shoes you bought at Walliz are burning you through, your friend’s daughter-she’s a single mom-will be starting grade two and she’s up to here looking for school fees while the idiot of her father is getting married to someone else. Your other friend’s boyfriend didn’t call and she shares the text messages she was exchanging with him and together you try and decipher what they mean and ultimately conclude that he’s a jerk like the rest of them. But you know that they are still gonna be together and that even if she complains each time you guys meet,at least SHE’s getting some and you aint. Ting!

Basically I’ve experienced a situation where a younger man was interested in me.

I embrace the fact that I age gracefully. I’d easily pass of as a grade 10 pupil when am in my natural hair and wearing a uniform or a lil dress! I mean,school boys have made passes at me before! Lol. Sometimes I wouldn’t know whether to laugh or cry when they did.

And so another scenario presented itself. Tall,dark and kind-am a sucker for kindness.

When a guy is kind I just melt.

At first when he made his intentions known I thought he was joking so I brushed im off n didn’t take him seriously. Surprisingly enough he persisted.

We’ve been friends but I had never given him a thought to be more than just a friend.

A couple of my friends thought he was nice and cajoled me to give it a try-in spite of my misgivings.

So I was like what d’hell and did my “you-only live once” mantra and let loose.

At first it was a lil awkward, I kept thinking about how young he was and what the hell was I doing?

Kissing was another story-he needed a lot of lessons. I don’t know whether he was trying to kiss me or trying to snip me lol.

Long story short,I didn’t really enjoy that date. Partly because I wasn’t really myself and HE was a lil nervous.

I decided to call it quits before things escalated, before the baby got “attached”,I told him I wasn’t ok with the age issue,and I had just gotten out of a really bad relationship-that he knew about all too well-so no thanks. He mentioned he didn’t mind about the age-I still thought he was just sayin that-thinkin to myself-he may not mind now but he WILL mind later.

We continued to hang out as friends even though he was still interested.

Sometimes when he thought he had a chance ,he’d flirt or try to steal a  kiss from me-I still found it awkward. But gradually what really drew me to him was the fact that he was kind towards people.

I almost thought that perhaps I may just lose my insecurities and date him and see where it leads.

We went out-to a club. There were other people. Seeing him dance with the ladies younger than me made me feel old.

I watched im bob around with her, and deaf to the music I thought to myself,eventually as I get older,he may want to go out and I’d feel too old to come to a place like this. And just like that I zapped out.

This wasn’t gonna work.

Or could it?....i continued watching…well..he’s got the energy,and I mean who wants a boring guy who cant or wont want to have have fun?

I caressed my cider and flipped my hair-I may be older but am gorgeous, why else would he approach me? But then maybe he’s just into this older woman fantasy and just needs some “wisdom” from me. Nevertheless…couldnt let this night get wasted. I stood up and went over dancing sexily, shaking my booty,challenging the lil girl he was with-she accepted defeat and I continued to dance with the young lad,giving him my ass and winding,up n down. Givin him the dip,twerking this way n that. Lol the night was young!

It didn’t change the fact that I still didn’t take him seriously. I was just having fun.

When he was breastfeeding I was walking for cripes sake!

Yet he was still interested.

I wonder why. He said he thought I was hot and fun and focused and confident. To him it didn’t matter how old I was.

I was more hung up about my age than he was.

Gues that’s why we find it not so simple to date a younger guy

The age factor is kind of an embarrassment to most of  us ladies.

Dating a younger guy isn’t all that bad when you think critically about it,it all depends on who the guy is I gues,and especially if you are a confident woman,it attracts the guy even more.

He’s younger so you think he just wants to have sex-all guys just want sex-right? Well,no. Actually younger guys may not necessarily want to get married right away but they still want a relationship.

The age factor isn’t so much an issue to them I found,in fact it kinda makes them want to “man up”-not that am saying that they are “kids”..but well,you know what I mean.

The younger guy isn’t really hung up about his losses in life because he doesn’t have so many of those so he isn’t so guarded, he’s more optimistic about his attitude towards life.

 He has more energy….which obviously means great love times and more fun activities because he’s still out there. Not that an older man wouldn’t want to do such things-but he’d probably feel you should do those things with your girlfriends while he attends to other things. Its like older men are less likely to think outside the box than the younger men.

For some men,the more successful a woman is the more threatening she appears to be. Younger men don’t really get threatened by that,in fact they LIKE that you are independent and got it all “together”..which ultimately makes them want to work harder at pleasing you.

Maybe the disadvantages of dating a younger guy would be that there are still external judgments coming from family and friends. I mean he introduces you to his sister and you  find that you and his older sister are probably the same age,or you are of the same age as his aunt.

You may need-in fact WILL have to brace yourself for that awkwardness if you mean to date a younger guy.

He may not have matured enough in his twenties. When questions about marriage start popping up,and whether he wants kids becomes a lil confusing for him.

 He is still transitioning and you haven’t got the time to wait till he evolves!

Career direction is another challenge,he may not have figured out what he really wants and will be hopping from one idea to another,not being consistent. Making you feel like you are standing on top of a volcano waiting to erupt. His accounts are not so much in order,he is still thinking about  buying this or that and you wind up bailing him out in most cases,which makes you feel like you are his mother or his cougar.

But ultimately its really all about how connected you feel towards one another. In the words of Aaliyah-may her soul rest in peace-“Age aint nothn but a number”. I mean look at J.Lo,she's like so hot and she seems happy?

All relationships aren’t easy with or without the age gap issues.

....My young lad just called-asking how my day was.  He’s sweet like that.

In fact I should probably not even stereotype him by saying “my young lad”-don’t they say “mwa muna siya chepa” after all?(some Zambia saying) Meaning “a man is never young” a man is a man regardless.

Although I’m flattered by his interest and I enjoy the feeling of being wanted-every woman enjoys that-I’m skeptical about his sincerity am skeptical about any man’s sincerity after all my experiences.

 Not that I would want to have a relationship with him-right now I don’t feel that way about him. I don’t see us dating. And the age thing is just but one of the reasons. Nevertheless I’m glad I got a chance to meet him.

As always I have learned something about myself-yet again. 

A glass of wine would do before bedtime-JCLeroux. Cheers..