MY PRAYER...

Often times I wish I was half prayerful as my mother is.

I admire her prayerful stance.

Maybe its because of her age. I’ve noticed that people tend to get more prayerful in their old ages,I don’t know if its because of the closeness to the end,maybe they want to make amends for all the wrong that they did in their younger years. Or maybe they just get “wiser” in their older years.

Am not saying that all older people resort to prayer after writing the Will! :)

I used be quite prayerful when I was younger,I would talk to God about anything.  And then I don’t know what happened,I don’tknow  if one can blame work or…growing up as an excuse for the gradual gap that developed between me and God.

I remember when I was baptized,it was kind of a surreal feeling you know. I remember walking into the water towards the man ordained to baptize us..pushing myself against the weight of the water,as my legs grew heavier with the height of the water  and i walked slowly towards the center..and  as he submerged me in the water,there was a brief moment of silence as I was in the water…it felt different in there..like it wasn’t exactly water…kind of like..being held by a hands made of water..

I was so certain I would follow my God to the very end,through it all,withstand temptations and put satan to shame,be an example to the world of what was close to innocence and perfection.

I’d get married to a spiritual man,who would equally have the same ideas as mine and have three equally upright babies-hrmph!

Funny…

And then lo and behold “we” discovered the ugly world..”we” found sex..found alcohol…music…pornography…we found that sometimes you have to lie to get your way,even when you don’t want to..we found ourselves doing things we wouldn’t expect ourselves to do to survive. Sometimes you just cant run away from them you know..like bribing the RATS for example! Or paying an extra fee to somebody that can push a quick release of your passport perhaps?  See in this country,it is almost impossible to stay away from corruption. One way or the other it just lands on your lap.

And then I found that I wasn’t so perfect after all,that I could fall,and I could fall real hard.

I gues I felt unworthy to be in my God’s presence,and even as I prayed,I felt like He wasn’t even listening.

Being in Church was something else altogether,I felt fake,a hypocrite.

Sometimes you feel that way,that you not worth it,to be in His presence because of all the things that you have done,and you tell yourself,whatever misfortunes you are going through or have gone through is all your fault and that you deserve them.

Of course, our actions results in consequences and we have to contend with those ;they teach us a lesson.

But am talking about instances where you just feel like the world is against you.

That unworthy feeling you get.

I cant say that am a very Christian person,but I believe  God,I believe that there is a higher being.

You could say that am spiritual,I have my flaws but I believe in prayer,I believe in its healing powers,whether you are hurting or you are sick.

Prayer is very personal.

If you believe that there is higher power greater than yourself that can influence your life,you will believe in it.

As individuals,there is a need to feel protected by a higher being, the need to feel and know that we can be forgiven. We need a majestic power.

We pray for others,we pray for someone to get well,or for someone far away,that they are safe.

We pray to ask for something.

We meditate, our  ultimate union with God.

You don’t just pray  because you’re a staunch Christian and you live by the Book,you don’t pray because you believe that when you pray,you automatically sign up for heaven.

You pray because prayer works within you,to transform you into a better being.

Prayer is not about being somebody you are not,its all about becoming who you really are.

In all this identity crisis that we go through at certain points in our lives,prayer helps us rediscover ourselves.

Prayer has proven to alleviate suffering in patients that have a serious illness. It is a form of pain management that even medicine cant explain.

When you pray,you encourage relaxation,which lowers your blood pressure and other things that can cause stress.

You let yourself go to something greater than yourself and you stop trying to be in a stressful position of wanting to be in-charge of things all the time,or worrying about them.

When you pray,you gain hope and expectation,which ultimately results into a more positive attitude.

I found that,when you go through certain challenges of your life,even though you may not change things in your life prayer can do so much to comfort you. It helps you to cope better and be more assertive in the things that you face and how you respond to them.

I found that,though I am not perfect,I fall constantly,I have my prayer to keep me going,to keep me grounded,to keep me humble.

It gives you that healthier physical and mental well being.

As I continue to get to know my God everyday,I continue to pray because its for me.

Its for my soul.

Through all the things I go through,work,family,friendships,love,loss,through my highs and lows its my Agate.

And even when I get to a point where I feel its impossible,I will pray,when it feels even harder to pray,even when tears fall from my eyes,when my heart bleeds,I will force myself to pray. I will seek that power within that comes from prayer that cant be compared to anything else,that can help me concur my challenges. I will pray.

I am a woman,I am my mother’s daughter.

And I will pray-regardless,for I know that there IS power in a prayerful woman.