The people that surround us have an effect on our lives.
For the better or for the worse.
They play a part in shaping who we are and what we believe in and we do the same for them.
Teenagers are surrounded by peer pressure everyday;when you are a teenager its almost like you are a vampire,everything is heightened.
If you are sad then you are the saddest teenager alive,if you are boring,you are the most boring teenager,and if you feel you are always right regardless,you are the most self rightous teenager! whatever anyone else says is rubbish.
I remember what its like being a teenager,its crazy! Your emotions are all over the place,you have boobs and you dont know what to do to for them to stop pointing north all the time,you like a guy but you dont like a guy,you wanna kill your parents but you still need their love and money,your siblings think they know better.
You are surrounded by peers that think they are mature enough and can do things like have random sex and smirk on your virginity,that have five boyfriends in five different schools,and then there are those that think they are better than you,they look better than you,they come from rich families,have all the opportunities to go and study abroad regardless of whether the pass or not.
A sense of belonging is a yearning everybody has-we all need to belong somewhere. Am african-am an african woman-a zambian woman,i come from a family of 6-you have that "belonging",but then there's who YOU are as an individual.
Its easy to get lost in the haze by the people that surround us.
The people that surround us,that we get into relationships with and engage in various activities with shape our views towards life,the conversations we engage ourselves with them create in us ideas and beliefs.
What creates your personality,your character?
Did you go to the best schools?
If i was born in the village,experienced the village life,would my personality and character be any different from what it is today?
Or are our personalities and character embedded in us already and just waiting to come out at the opportune time when we are surrounded by the "right" people to bring that out in us?
I participated in a fundraising walk today,to support a youth group to raise funds for their cause.
It is a small group just starting out and there isnt a lot of hope in the members on whether the group will grow to make an impact in the community.
But my presence there made an impact on the whole event.
It inspired them to know that even though they are a small group,they can make a difference because they had each other. Large numbers do not necessarilly mean large positive results. Jesus only had 12 desciples.
It felt good to know that i had inspired this young group,and it reverberated to me and gave me the courage and the zeal i once had-believing in a cause and making a difference. Giving you a sense of purpose.
Our relationships do not necessarily define who we are,but they play a huge role in creating who we are,to be a stronger people or to be weak people.
When you've been in a relationship with someone that has played an integral part in your life and that relationship ends,it gets a little confusing to actualy remember who you were before you met them.
How much influence do the people around you have on you,and how much influence do you have on them?
Does it have anything to do with who has the stronger personality among you? Or maybe who is more assertive and is able to fish out what they need and dont need it?
They say we are friends with the people we are friends with because they bring out a part of us we see in them.
See it goes both ways.
When you are in a relationship-you RELATE to the other.
Bringing out the best or the worst in each other,depending on how you RELATE and RESPOND to situations.
I was once in what you'd call an unhealthy relationship with someone.
This person slowly nudged out my reckless side,even when i thought i was in control.
He made me feel alive,but he also made me feel out of touch with my deeper side. Nothing much was ever taken seriously. At first it was attractive,having not to worry much about your future and your goals. It started becoming more like free flowing. I started reading less,drinking more,watching t.v more and just basicaly being a little bit goaless.
He could talk about his plans for the future-and they were brilliant ones,but he wouldnt implement anything. I began to realise that i was involved with a dreamer and if i wasnt careful i'd wind up being just like him,thinking about what it is i can do without actually doing anything about it,making plans without any workplan. In other words an empty can-very loud and empty.
I realised too that what seemed like cute jelousy was actually possesivness. Suddenly my dressing became a problem,how i was talking to other men,what i was doing on my phone...we'd get into fights-stimes physical-I wouldnt be put down that easy.
There was some verbal abuse and i was called names.
He'd apologise after-and i'd believe it wont happen again. But it was just on and off,on and off.
I had no idea why i was still hanging around him-maybe i loved him?
It wasnt even about money we would argue about-i got a higher salary,it was over stupid things like clothes or his failure to live up to his promises.
Instead of building the relationship and enjoying it,he literaly let it crumble.
I'd tell myself to leave but i couldnt,my friends would wonder what on earth i was doing with such an idiot.
Eventualy the relationship soured me up,i was angry about everything. I'd take out my anger on the shop attendant for example for being slow in packing up my groceries,or the garden boy for coming to work 5min late,even if he had told me he would be.
I basically became less interested in a lot of things untill one day i just couldnt take it anymore.
'"when a woman is fed up"
I mean here i was,with a man that had everything any man would want and he was just throwing it away. He was changing who i was at my core. I had to bring my SELF back.
I made my decision.
It felt good.
There are many women that have been through something similar. They are "stuck" with undeserving men simply because they love them,putting up with less when they could have more.
Most people would not understand why some people stick around a relationship that just drains them of energy. I recall a friend of mine complaining of how he loved this girl so much but she was busy fooling around with other guys and yet he couldnt bring himself to let go.
Its the belief and hope you have in the other person to do better that makes you stick around,you want to be that positive effect in their lives but at the same time,it takes chunks of your inner self away.
A part of you once loved them and you only want the best for them.
I told myself i would never put myself in such a position again-and i wont.
See when you leave a relationship thats not healthy,its not necessarily because you are going to hate those people for the rest of your life,its about forgiving yourself and knowing that you tried and it didnt work out. Its about cherishing who you are and getting to know what you need and loving yourself for it.
You learn something from any relationship you get yourself into,you learn something about yourself through the experiences,conversations and life you had with them.
Currently i have feelings for the most complicated guy on the planet-at least he thinks he's complicated.
Lets call him my plus one for now.
He gives me a certain energy that i had tucked away somewhere.
He may even be reading this blog and gloating-lol
He is complicated in the sense that he has all these funny beliefs about what love is.
Am not going to try and figure them out.
After all i've been through i have found that i am not as impatient as i used to be-stimes i can be-BUT! i just let that slide.
I just want to enjoy spending time with him and getting to know him.
Love is a risk that we all take-regardless of whether you believe in it or not,it just happens to you. Whether its hard for you to express it or not-you feel it still.
Am not saying am in love.
Am not.
Not yet anyways.
Am in "like" and i like it.
My Plus One may be a little bit complicated and cocky at times but i can equaly be complicated,am probably more complicated than he is-he just thinks we are in this "who is more complicated" competition and says all these complicated things to make himself seem more complicated than i am.
I think he's just scared and hates to admit it,in fact he hates to admit a lot of things about what he feels. But i like him still. I like that he can be generous and humble and open to his thoughts-whether they are complicated or not-he still says them.
Its not up to him to protect me from falling in love if at all i do,it would have been my decision.
