Today has ended...

I feel lousy…

I try to avoid writing or painting when I am kind of in low spirits.

I avoid updating my Facebook status because it just makes me feel even lousier...

I look back at my status and am like “seriously? Nandi?” or I look back at my sketch and think to myself….”gosh now THAT’s a problem?” and I feel worse.

I try to read and I can’t get past a chapter “you can’t even read a sentence...”

I try to eat but nothing really tastes so good and there isn’t much appetite anyways…

It’s been a hectic week so far, moving up n down that horrible Cruiser in those horrible dusty roads, tryn to meet deadlines, and I’ve hardly had a good night’s sleep since last Saturday, partly because I’ve had crazy insomnia and partly because of work, so I feel pretty fatigued and yeah, lousy, and hey! I’m probably having PMS, I’ve been in pain all day today-if you’re a woman reading this you can relate. I have like cramps from Lucifer himself!

 And to top it off, I miss My Plus One-though I hate to admit it.

Not liking someone and liking them at the same time is such torture. My plus one irritates the shit out of me and yet I want to be with him.

Anyways life’s too short to over brood and fuss…

Gosh…#looking at wall clock# I could drop and doze off right now.

Anyways, I feel My plus one is side stepping a little, backing off, I may be wrong but it feels that way.

I  feel I may have misread the connection.

Its so confusing, one minute its like they like you and the next minute its like they just wanna get rid of you , how they just go silent and let you figure it out on your own.

Nevertheless I’ve grown fond of him and I fear he may be using that to his advantage! Lol , or maybe he’s figured that out and doesn’t like it.

I wonder whether he thinks about me the way I do , anyways that’s his problem.

They can be so blank or act so blank it’s amazing!.

I would rather not pursue the matter, I  don’t want to get into another emotional political argument where I have to justify my needs and the other justifies on their actions, am tired of always having to be the one to understand things, how about understanding me for a change?

 Its better to leave it alone, pursuing it is so much work when the other isn’t willing.

Even though my friends tell me am strong I don’t feel like that s’times, s’times I DO feel I can conquer anythn,but s’times I just want to sink into my own and zone out, not caring. It’s a safe place there, for a while you forget and you just sort of drift through things.

You think you know someone and it turns out you don’t know as much, they don’t let you in to see.

#the clock’s ticking#...

I think I suck at this whole dating business.

Or maybe I should be more demanding like the other women do it, they demand for this n that. Maybe I come out as too understanding and its easy to just not put in so much effort to try and impress me. I don’t fuss about material things, I like the simple pleasures of life. Maybe that’s the problem.

Am beginning to think I tolerate too much that when I meet someone I like, they don’t take that extra step to impress me.

A friend of mine suggested that I may be quite intimidating, being independnent and all, but I don’t see how that is an issue. Unless the guy has low self esteem issues.

#clock’s ticking#

Right now I feel resigned to the whole thing…because it feels like a  monotonous cycle…

Even though I miss my plus one, I can’t do anything about it right now, who knows  , it may just turn out to be my plus size drama!.

Nevertheless I’ll respect his “issues” and I’ll give him his space…He’s a grown man and can decide what’s best for him…

I equally have issues so… yeah…

I mean, we human right?

Its time to go to bed…

Its another day tomorrow, I will probably be working on auto at the office, but it will be a new day.

Another start to my history …

Today has ended