Line of Fire...

Just because it feels good or feels right doesn’t mean it is.

We don’t deliberately put ourselves in positions that we know may hurt us.

Putting ourselves in the line of fire?

You don’t choose to be second best

You can’t always stop yourself from feeling what you feel, needing it, wanting it.

You tell yourself that this time you’ll manage it...that you can deal with it but dealing with it is such a process!

It’s an emotional whirlwind that leaves you disoriented…

You let yourself out there when you find yourself attached to  someone, making yourself vulnerable to them and you know that they can hurt you because you have opened up to them.

 Your walls are no longer up and you are exposed.

We don’t exactly choose who we find ourselves in love with, or have feelings for, it’s a cosmic mystery, I guess that’s why they call it chemistry.

You don’t choose to be second-you want to be first

And you don’t choose to share; you want it all for yourself.

Having to share hurts

You don’t choose to be the other woman or the other man.

Sometimes   two people meet and find themselves wanting more of each other, passionate about each other, even when they have separate lives they need to be loyal to; it feels good when they are together-it feels right, like a perfect fit.

And you try to navigate your way in this...this thing that you have.

You are trying to understand what it is about them that you just want to be with them.

And even though they may be emotionally unavailable, and even physically unavailable you are drawn to them because when you are with them everything seem so much better, so much calmer and so much happier that you want to prolong that feeling.

…Making love to them is wonderful…

And you let yourself want it- you need to express yourself more, how you feel about them...and it feels good…

..It feels good to kiss them…touching them…letting yourself explode with ecstasy...

Your skin burns when they touch you….and you just want this to last…

You want it to go on…But you know that it is wishful thinking, that it’s a risk you had to take…

You cannot compete with the life that they have with the other, but you can’t give up on this before it has even began.

You let yourself out there-putting yourself in the line of fire

The quiet days are torturing; you always wait for that call…That text…

You want them to call and tell you how much they’ve missed you and how much they want to be with you…
You miss them so much it hurts...

A day passes. And another day…you tell yourself you can do this that you weren’t supposed to get hurt…because you wanted it as much as they did? Or maybe you misread the signs…

The thought that they are not completely yours and that at this very moment may be with someone else, kissing someone else, touching them the way they touch you tears you to shreds and you wish you could get out of yourself to escape from this but you can’t-you just have to endure it.

Letting yourself out there….putting yourself in the line of fire

They tell you that they miss you after a couple of days and you tell yourself maybe there’s a chance? Even when you know it’s a long shot.

You let yourself get vulnerable to them.

Letting yourself out there, clinging to their every word, holding on to the memories of the last time you were with them, how they talked, how they laughed, how they looked at you, like you are the only one that mattered.. How they held you when you danced…

Letting yourself out there…putting yourself in the line of fire…

You want to know, you need to be sure….

but asking is an even greater risk…you are afraid of the answer and you just want to continue in ignorant bliss, prolonging this twisted good feeling…or maybe they just need time??

The longer it is…the more painful it will be…

Love is a risk we all take…

Attachment is a risk…

Sometimes it is reciprocated, sometimes it isn’t, sometimes you are in it alone....and sometimes you’re not…

You can’t always know…because no sooner than you think you know than it dawns on you that actually you don’t even know the half of it.

What are they really thinking?? …Do they want this or not?

Putting yourself out there and letting yourself go…

.. .can feel like shit….